Friday, March 21, 2014

Show Not Tell Paragraphs

Activity 1 -
Try and writing a paragraph about the person's feelings.

Emily was angry -
“Laura, can I please, please, please come with you to the shops!” Shouted Emily. “No, Emily I have already told no” Replied Laura, she was starting to get annoying with her younger sister. With that, Emily ran out of the room, slammed the door on her way and shouted at her sister, “You are so mean!” She went into her room, with a bright red face. Emily stomped & clenched her fists and started throwing things at her bed and kicking it, muttering things under her breath. Laura went to her sister’s door, knocked and said, “Emily are you okay, please come out now.” Emily was still very angry so she shouted, “What do you think!” Laura was sad for her sister but that didn’t change.

Keri was nervous

Keri slowly walked into the netball court shaking. She saw the rest of the girls stretching and getting ready to trial. After she wrote her name down, she tried to act casual and do her best but she had goose bumps everywhere and she was really nervous, and had goosebumps all over her body.

Activity 2 -
Redo the Paragraph above (the bold one) with show not tell

Mary was excited because her older sister Jan was going to take her shopping at the mall to get a new dress.  Jan told Mary they would leave in a few minutes but Mary said she couldn't find her shoes.  Jan was getting impatient and Mary was worried that she would leave without her.

Mary was so excited she was jumping up and down in the lounge, “Come on Mary, we have got to go the mall closes soon!” Mary stopped jumping and went over to get her shoes, but she couldn’t find them. “Come on Mary!!” Shouted Jan, she was beeped the horn in the car and Mary could tell that she was getting impatient.  Mary was now running around the house looking, she was worried now.
It was the last minute of the finals match of the basketball competition. Tama was shooting 3 penalty shots but misses and his team loses. He feels like he has let the whole team down. When one of his team jokes about it sarcastically Tama over-reacts and loses it.

Everyone was cheering, “GO TAMA, YOU CAN DO IT!” He was sure to get it in, he shoots, he misses, he shoots again, misses! Last shot, he misses again! He was so disappointed in himself for letting the team down. He goes into the changing rooms afterwards and says sorry lots, “Yeah well, if Tama hadn’t gone for those penalty shots, we would have won the finals and been the Basketball Champion!” said one of the teammates sarcastically. Tama took it the wrong way and stormed out running away.

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